I have been trying to write something, anything, or whatever the whole day, but seems like I've lost the ability to pour the words out of my head at the moment. Maybe I'm just not sure about what to write or could it be that there are no words left in my head?. I can't really explain nor recognize the feelings I'm having.
There's actually nothing new for me, I've been here before (several times) and I pretty much know how things are gonna go from here. but what surprisingly new for me is, why am I so calm? shouldn't I be crushed, devastated, feeling hurt from picking up the shatters of my heart that broke into pieces? ....
should I be scared of my calmness? could it be me lying to myself?
As a normal human being of course I did shed a tear and cry when I am this hurt, but why is it different now? it only took me less than a minute crying my heart out, wiped the tears off, closed my eyes for a few seconds followed by taking a long deep breath and put a smile back on my face. but somehow it just don't feel right cos I think I should cry more. shouldn't I be glad to be able to ease the pain in such no time? is there something wrong with me? is it wrong at all? is this what you call maturing? but again, if I really have been here, I shouldn't asked so many questions, should I?
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