Thoughts #3

I have come to love and hate the dreamer that I am, one who is almost always in the throes of excess and the exalted. They say the artist arises out of not only an acceptance of the self but a glorification of that self as wholly unlimited. But as I go upon these grandiose journeys of discovery, I tragically find, as Nin (The Diary of Anaïs Nin) says so beautifully here, the ironies of life that so debilitate my wingedness. I meander without knowing it, and I never seem to be at the right place at the right time.
I confess that I am the child who suffered of too much expectancy, a small paper cup tearing at its seams from too much absence flowing in. Life exists in circles and spirals, and as much I would like to shed yesterday’s woman for the novelty of tomorrow, the woman that I once was inhabits the woman that I am now. Then perhaps I must revise my statements: is it that I’ve always been in just the right place, as life chooses a circuitous path to deliver me right where I need to be?
But as soon as I can answer that question, I must ultimately live my way into more. Answers shall be most definitely deferred.