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| Sunday 10am at Zurich Lake - Bellevue |
When I am the one giving them chance after chance, but they are the one that ends up giving up first.
When I try and try to hold onto them, but they are already letting go. When I see into them, deep and beyond, and find them looking right through me. It's hard to accept that while I am putting so much effort into making things work, they couldn't care less.
That while I am fighting to keep them close, they just walk away without a glance back. It is the most painful when they are the one making the mistakes, doing the injustices, committing the crimes, causing the sufferings ... but because I care so much, I forgive them time and time again. I give them no penalties for striking out. I keep thinking and hoping that they will change, that they will realize what they are doing to me, and how much effect they have on me. I hold onto every little thing that they do right, to convince myself that I'm not fighting for nothing, to negotiate with myself to grasp onto them, to prove to myself that things can get better. It's the simplest form of denial.
I keep waiting for change. I wonder why I keep giving them chances ... They leave me fighting for a hologram - someone who wants to be able to do anything they want and expect me to take it with my head bowed. But, before I can step up and make the final move of letting go, next thing I know, they already slipped away. They have already thrown away the hand that I have not yet found the courage to release. And they're not looking back.
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