Silly Monkey: 2011/12

Spilled Ink #4 : Writing

The implication of this shoes is :
"FORMER BAD GIRL, SHE'S BACK !!"
These are my license to kill baby.

There are times that I hate my own writing. I’m tempted to delete my online presence, torch my computer and phone, and rip up every notebook, every sheet of paper — that I can get my hands on. I’m always looking for the silver-lining; the meaning behind the trauma; the devil in the details; the sardonic comedy; the black wit; the divine irony. I take something vile, and I lie about it — I try to dress up the hideous truth, in attractive words.

Pain is not beautiful. It is not your lover. It is not your friend. It can be your teacher — but the lessons are carved into your flesh, they hollow out your soul.

Depression is not interesting. It can not be contained in verse or prose. It can not be written away — only dwelt on; only manipulated and teased.

Metaphors don’t fill the emptiness. Fictionalization doesn’t re-write history. Structure can’t hold you. Composition isn’t hope.

Writing won’t save me… but lies are lovely distractions. They keep me company until I can catch up with my sanity. They are a reason to pull myself out of bed; on days like when I’m somber, drained, and I’m taking life (myself) too seriously — when I am truly afraid of myself.

Sweet Domination Christmas Edition

Chocolate bread cookies with walnuts and ovomaltine

Snow flakes lemon butter cookies

Cinnamon chocolate cupcake with vanilla butter cookies

2 in 1 Cupcake

New Year Resolutions = Are you really going to do it?

My new year resolution is still the same as last year : Stop making resolutions

We all have things we want to change, things we want to accomplish. Sensibly, once we have goal in mind, we should immediately make a plan, get into gear and start tracking the progress. However, being humans, we always want a landmark. We don't want to start right then, right now. We want to wait till defining moment so that we can "start fresh". Like "oh I'll begin on monday" or "wait till the new year comes". It's just seems easier that way, doesn't it? I mean, it's simpler to document, because it's not "random". We like to set a fixed date on things.

It's funny, we do so many foolish things to impulse, but we rarely use that to our advantage when it comes to actually making change. In that case, we seems to want to wait as long as possible. We let not only opportunities, but time slip by, just negotiating with ourselves that we'll do it later.

Why must we wait until a specific landmark to do something? The landmark should be determined by us, not the other way around. Why are we lagging behind it - so we could waste a few more days, weeks, months staying stagnant? If you inhibit your movement for an extended period of time, you will eventually become stuck. It won't be a choice anymore. The longer you wait, the less likely change will occur. Not only because you will be less motivated to make it happen, but simply because the action itself will be less feasible.

So here we are, making our list of resolution for the new year, the biggest landmark of all. It's quite ridiculous when you think about it isn't? 2012 ... time to make some change! Perhaps, Just ask yourself why this time will be any different. And try to give yourself a reason other than the date on the calendar.

Dirty Monkey

1st January 2012

A Moral Fictional-istic

WARNING

* Dirty Monkey contains strong words

Spilled Ink #3 : Mat of Oblivion

You must stay drunk on writing, so reality cannot destroy you. – Ray Bradbury

She existed only in the momentary stillness between inhale and exhale. The microcosm of silence – casually willed into being by the rhythmic ebb and flow of her consciousness, enfolded her in a peaceful embrace. As she withdrew further from the complexities of ego, closer to the simplicity of mindlessness, she was filled with a powerful sensation of pleasure. Drifting slowly down, deeper into the center of bliss, she was unable to recognize the inevitable danger. Bliss is the welcome mat of oblivion.

Life and Art

2 pesek :p

part of life is finding new things to love and new ways to love things more deeply, and understanding the creative arts —their scope, history, contemporary contexts, intentionality— opens them up for ever-deeper appreciation. But the most obvious way to learn an art is to become a practitioner of that art, a time-consuming and difficult task, and one impossible to pursue across all fields.

Sensualism #1

Readers request.

Sensualism Series Premier ^_^

Thoughts #5

Me, Luzy and Ninja. Amsterdam November 2011

You know when you meet someone that fascinates you? Truly fascinates you in every possible way. A total stranger that stands out amongst the masses like no other; one who’s presence just completely transforms the atmosphere of any room? ^_^

Thoughts #4

I have used words to capture feelings, thoughts, memories, or the color of sunsets, since I could remember. But more than just their ability to capture a reader, they are powerful, they can convey messages, create, or destroy, great nations. And once they are said, they can never be taken back.

Jazz & Me

When I talk to people who find jazz musically intimidating, or unintelligible in its refusal to be as repetitive as popular music, I sometimes tell them to try to hear in the solos little musical structures, any one of which could be a song in itself, but each of which is built, explored, and discarded with breakneck speed. Popular music relies on the ecstasy of trance: repetition of what resonates. Jazz relies more on restless exploration.

It’s not exactly like Levitt Homes and sand castles, but that’s one way to think of it. The point is that one needn’t know anything about music at all to hear in the short bursts of notes -up and down, side to side, angry or soft, symmetrical or jagged - little sound sculptures, built, perfected, then discarded.

Live Jazz Music at Alto Cafè Amsterdam

When I really want to love music, I tend to close my eyes and listen to Keith Jarrett; the technical passages form landscapes, the affective passages move my heart, and their sum is enough to convince me of music’s total artistic superiority whether or not I consider anything like the song’s context, theoretical details, historical significance. For a listener, this is like an apotheosis: the fulfillment of one of art’s promises.

Loving art makes me happier ^_^

Pesek Love

what if it was possible to put things on hold, step out of yourself, and watch what has happened in your life up until now? if you could sit down with a bowl of popcorn and replay it over and over,

Then could you truly learn from your mistakes?

Baking has dominated my life

Marshmallow brownie bars with mint cream and crispy chocolate chips.

Three S's

I don’t know what it is, bringing these doubts and destruction. But what am I? Selfish or selfless?
I believe that the reason I tend to care for others is because I don’t wish for them to hate me (basically pleasing them), and that I want to see them happy (and not for their own good)—is that selfishness?
And yet, through that, I am hardly putting myself and what I want (do I even actually want something definite?) before them; I never consider the consequences my giving in to them does to me. And even if that consequence is of pain and misunderstanding, I always end up going back and forgiving the person I have supposedly put ahead of me, and continuously putting them ahead of me, again and again. Is that selflessness?
(Or is this just stupidity on my behalf?)
Or is it all three? Selfish, selfless, and stupid. Three S’s.
Of course, I don’t have to be just one orientation. Or do I?
Does it even matter?
…

The One By My Side

The one By My Side.

One thing consistent with all writers/readers on this site, is

”The One By My Side”.

See, is important to you. You've loved them, hated them, fucked them, killed them, wanted to kill them, wanted them to love you, wanted them to fuck you. People from your pasts, people from your present and people you would like and hope will be a part of your future.

You've built lives with them, you've watched them build lives from afar, they’ve affected you for better, for worse, or not at all. You’ve written about their tiny, almost invisible flaws and perfections, the way they do certain things, their mannerisms, that only you, can notice, analyse and document.

So, maybe, some of you have that someone.

The "The One By My Side” challenge is designed for to create words about someone that is/once was Important in your life.

How do you remember them? What perfections would they admire, covet and lust after? What imperfections you notice and set aside, or become enraged by? What would you say about the things you’ve done to them? What would they say about the feelings you’ve given them?

Does your “The One By My Side” love you? Do they despise you? Do they misunderstand you? Do they loathe your insecurities and the way you treated them? Are you the one that got away for them? What would you write about them if they saw you in the street?

This challenge is all about honesty, there’s no prize for participating, only gaining further knowledge of how you appreciate others. If that someone has hated you, I want to know why, from your own perspective. If they’ve loved you, I want to know how you try to capture and describe what they feel/felt, what they loved about you and what you love about them the most. I want you to create/tell me “your” stories about "them".

There’s only two conditions of this challenge.

The first is honesty. I want to feel what you write while viewing that person through your eyes. If it makes you smile, I want to smile, if it tears you up, I want to be torn up. I want accountability, if you’ve broken someone’s heart, I want you to tell me what you did. If someone has loved you, I want you to tell me about it. I want you to tell me what they’re like as a person.

The second condition, it must be told in the first person. I feel first person will make us squirm more, whether the piece is positive or negative.

These tales can be poetry in any form, prose or whatever you want to call whatever it is you do. Long or short. They can be hilarious, they can be sweet, they can be dark, they can be unforgiving.

It is my hope that this challenge will continue to be used after the it is done, much like the reveries peices.

I will post of the top five of my favourite poetry and top five prose.
The challenge is valid until the end of January 2012.

Email me your piece and if you have any questions, please direct them here.

Good luck guys, I am really excited to see what you all come up with, there should be some amazingly beautiful and raw pieces that come from this challenge. Looking forward to reading them.

Silly Monkey

UPDATE II: Perhaps some of you are very private about your writing. This challenge is my own personal love affair, I really want to read what you guys come up with. So, if you feel that you would like to participate, please feel free to email me a message that you have contributed and it will be our little secret, or perhaps post your piece as an anonymous.

Dos Santos

Makeup Artist and Shooting Directer : Jordan

Model : Sybelli Queiroz Dos Santos

Stephanie Queiroz Dos Santos

It wasn't my shooting session that day, but since I always have my pocket camera

with me, I took some pictures during the shooting.

and these are the results.

JustDoll Behind The Scenes.

Wanna Know What Hurts the most?

Sunday 10am at Zurich Lake - Bellevue

When I am the one giving them chance after chance, but they are the one that ends up giving up first.

When I try and try to hold onto them, but they are already letting go. When I see into them, deep and beyond, and find them looking right through me. It's hard to accept that while I am putting so much effort into making things work, they couldn't care less.

That while I am fighting to keep them close, they just walk away without a glance back. It is the most painful when they are the one making the mistakes, doing the injustices, committing the crimes, causing the sufferings ... but because I care so much, I forgive them time and time again. I give them no penalties for striking out. I keep thinking and hoping that they will change, that they will realize what they are doing to me, and how much effect they have on me. I hold onto every little thing that they do right, to convince myself that I'm not fighting for nothing, to negotiate with myself to grasp onto them, to prove to myself that things can get better. It's the simplest form of denial.

I keep waiting for change. I wonder why I keep giving them chances ... They leave me fighting for a hologram - someone who wants to be able to do anything they want and expect me to take it with my head bowed. But, before I can step up and make the final move of letting go, next thing I know, they already slipped away. They have already thrown away the hand that I have not yet found the courage to release. And they're not looking back.

Love Child * Booboo Pesek*

Everything We Want

Monaco - Summer 2011

I think most of us have everything that we really want, we just don’t realize it because we already have them. We all have enough to be happy, we really do. But for some reason, we choose not to be. And you know what? Maybe that’s it, we can’t be happy. We need to want what we don’t have, we need unsatisfaction because contentment doesn’t fuel progress, now does it.

Little You Do Know