Strength, Loyalty and Compassion

My baby brother & me
You know how they say you can tell what you aspire to most in yourself be determining the qualities that you admire most in others? I've concluded the things I aspire to most are strength, loyalty and compassion. I realize that these three will inevitably overlap in some regards, but I believe them to be sufficiently distinct to list them out as separate ideals. I've learned from my mother and my aunts the importance of being strong for your family, for your men. The men in my family are weak; they fail at laundry, they fail at ambition, they fail at leadership. It is up to the women in my family to lead and to protect. It has always been that way. I have learned from my brother and his friends the importance of loyalty. Betrayal ultimately breeds isolation, and life is joyless when lived alone.

 Finally, there is compassion. I'm not sure from whom I picked up on the importance of compassion. It is not an attribute that is particularly encouraged in my family. Perhaps it is based upon a collection of experiences, wherein I was treated with unexpected kindness or generosity. Perhaps it is merely a projection of my own frailty, a need to feel that the universe will extend forgiveness for my failures, because I will surely fall to be strong and loyal when I am called upon to be both. Regardless, though listed last, I think compassion is the most important of the three qualities to which I aspire, because it is the most difficult. I sit here, claiming my heart aches for this or that, but I refuse to do anything about it. Compassion entails discomfort and pain, and I abhor both to such an embarrassing degree, I fear I will always be deficient in this regard.